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My story
I grew up in Switzerland, in a beautiful little village surrounded by mountains, forests, and farms.
Already as a child, I was fascinated by machines and technology. With plenty of imagination and creativity, I could spend hours playing with Lego and toy tractors, and I loved watching farmers and machines working on the fields.
My childhood peace was shattered for the first time when I had to start school. Learning wasn't too difficult for me, but what I struggled with more and more, was the interpersonal with other students. I never made it onto the popular list, and as a shy, weakling with long, blond, angelic hair, I was a prime target for those who enjoyed bullying from an early age. I couldn't defend myself, usually only made things worse, and being the laughingstock of many students was a common occurrence.
So I often longed for the sound of the school bell because at home I was at least safe from my bullies. However, peace was not the norm in our household, and my parents divorced when I was a teenager.
Thankfully, I found a peaceful place, away from the hustle and bustle of school and home, at my uncle's farm. From about the age of ten, I increasingly helped out on his farm in my spare time, and it became more and more like a second home. I learned a great deal from my uncle, and working with him and his son further increased my existing interest in agricultural machinery. I finally decided to begin an apprenticeship as a Farm machine mechanic when I was sixteen.
Starting the four-year apprenticeship felt like a new beginning, at least as far as vocational school was concerned, which I attended once a week. However, the difficult work environment at my training company, which was heading towards bankruptcy, was another ordeal, and having low self-esteem was of no help in an environment like this.
My life was taking its toll on me, and despite occasional bright spots, I kept sinking deeper into a hole full of depression. Depression had been a part of my life for several years. From the outside, it wasn't noticeable, but inside I was often on the verge of a breakdown.
Depression was followed by suicidal thoughts, which grew increasingly intense. The day came when I saw no other way out and was firmly resolved to end my life. I wanted to put an end to the pain and the meaninglessness. Completely numb, I planned my life's end one afternoon. I spent hours lost in dark thoughts and suddenly saw myself sitting in the corner of my room. I thought to myself: How low must someone sink to want to end their own life? It was as if I only now realised where I was headed. This thought was followed, like a spark, by the question of whether I was truly certain there was no hope left. My conviction about suicide then began to crumble, and I gained new courage to re-examine the question of hope.
The internet was my best friend. Even before, I spent countless days feeding search engines with questions, hoping to find help. It was a constant rollercoaster. I kept finding hope in a new approach, but it never lasted.
On a day like this, I was shown videos of near-death experiences. The accounts fascinated me, even though I viewed the whole thing with a big dose of scepticism. Is there really more than this life?
Many reported that they encountered Jesus in heaven when they were clinically dead.
I found more and more accounts from people who said that Jesus had given them a new lease on life and that they awakened back from what had sometimes been hours of death. For weeks, I watched dozens of such videos, and my scepticism slowly gave way to the thought that there must be something to it. No one here was trying to make money off their story or sell their "How to Get Your Life Under Control" book. They all referred to Jesus and the Bible.
I learned that if we turn from our sinful lives and believe in Jesus, we can have a relationship with the living God, experience forgiveness and healing, and that there is eternity. An eternity without pain and without suffering. I wanted this hope too, and so I prayed on my knees to God that He would forgive my sins and give me a new life. I realised how I, too, had missed the mark, and I was sorry for how I had lived without Him.
From then on, my life gradually began to change. I started reading the Bible and learned how God's word transforms lives. Time and again, I saw how God was working in me and around me, and how he still speaks today.
My panic attacks and suicidal thoughts disappeared, my nightmares were gone, and I experienced liberation from compulsions such as porn addiction.
